


Turn Me On, I'm On Camera

by i_amthecosmos



Category: One Direction
Genre: Blowjobs, Camboy Harry, Camboys Zayn and Niall, College AU, Coming Out, Fingering, M/M, handjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 07:35:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4426838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_amthecosmos/pseuds/i_amthecosmos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn needs money for school. He finds a way to make it when he teams up with Niall for a camshow. But things get a bit complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turn Me On, I'm On Camera

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this months ago, for my friend magdalyna. Been teasing them with this for months, and I think it's finally done. So this is for them. I'd like to thank the makers of 80's new wave mixes on You Tube. Fantastic to write to!

“Here,” Louis said, handing Zayn the pipe. They were in Zayn’s apartment near his school, on the threadbare sofa Zayn had picked up from the corner. “I got some good stuff from Harry this week. His cousin is growing some in his closet.” Zayn tried not to roll his eyes. 

“You can’t go five minutes without talking about Harry, but thank you.” Zayn took the pipe as Louis giggled at Zayn’s good manners. Zayn took a hit off it and held the smoke for a few seconds before blowing it out slowly. Louis grabbed the pipe from him and Zayn glared. “Rude.”

“Shut up, my turn.” Louis took a deep pull on the pipe and closed his eyes, slowly letting the smoke out. Zayn took another turn, until they were both pretty high. Zayn leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. Louis reached over and took his hand, Zayn laughed and squeezed it.

“You flirt with me a lot more now that you’ve got a boyfriend.” Louis laughed, his eyes squinching up, and Zayn laughed too, prone to getting the giggles when high. “Does he mind that?”

“No,” Louis said, getting soppy and fond just from the mention. “I mean, he’s not that possessive. Considering what he does and all.” Zayn could see that. “I mean, he jerks off for a camera three nights a week, he won’t be upset if I kiss your cheek. Long as I don’t suck your dick.”

“Every relationship has its own limits I guess,” Zayn said, eyes slipped half-shut. “Not that I would know. I’m working so hard just to keep going to school, I don’t have any time for dates. And it’s not working-I don’t have enough for tuition.” Zayn sighed. “Sorry, didn’t mean to talk about this when you came over.”

“No problem. Yeah, hard to find good jobs these days.” Louis took a hit, thoughtfully, and held it. When he let his breath out, he stared forward for a minute, not saying anything. Zayn took another turn, and they sat in silence for a minute until Louis said “Hey. Do you have a camera?” 

“Are you serious?” Zayn looked over at Louis, and he did in fact look as serious as he was capable of being. “I couldn’t do that.”

“You’re fit though,” Louis said, straightening up a little and looking at him. “You’re actually one of the most attractive human beings I’ve ever known. You could do really well, if you wanted.” Zayn shook his head. “Why do you say no? It’s the truth.”

“I’m too shy. You know how I get if people pay too much attention to me, after a while I just hide. I couldn’t handle it.” Just the idea of being naked on camera made him find one of the beers they had on the table, and open it.

“You won’t be able to see them, they’re just words on a screen. That’s what Harry always says if I get jealous.” Louis ducked his head and smiled softly, and Zayn felt a little jealous himself. Louis had a good thing with Harry, even if he was eccentric and jerked off to a camera to pay for school. 

“You shouldn’t be jealous, Harry adores you.” Louis looked slightly surprised, almost as if he didn’t believe Zayn. Truthfully, he’d only met Harry twice, but Zayn was sure he was right. “I’ve seen how he looks at you, you don’t have anything to worry about.” 

“Thanks. It’s just…everyone falls in love with him when they meet him. I don’t worry a lot, but sometimes…” Louis shrugged and Zayn put an arm around his shoulders, glad that he’d steered Louis away from the idea of getting him a channel on some porn site. How awkward that would be?  
…

Later, after Louis has gone back to his uni and Zayn’s back to his classes, he gets a note from the uni. He read the whole thing, then balled it up and threw it across the room. “Fuck.” He grabbed his phone and texted Louis. 

**Tuition went up. I might have to drop out of school, what do I do?** He had to wait a few minutes, but eventually the reply came up.

**Well, remember the cam business is always hiring.**

**Fuck you Lou. I’m being serious.**  
**Oh but I am. Harry can help you with it. He’s even got an old camera if you need one.**

Zayn stared at his phone for a few minutes, until Louis sent **Zayn? You still there?**. 

**Yeah, I am. I can’t believe I’m even thinking about this. Fuck. I really need to get some money.**

**Don’t worry about it. I can get Harry to talk to you. He likes helping new guys out. I’ll give him your number and he can call you later or Skype you. You’re beautiful Zap, you could make some money from this.**

“Great,” Zayn said to himself. “Just what I always wanted to do, show my ass over an internet channel.” He texted a **Thanks, bye** to Louis and sat at his drawing desk. He doodled for the next hour to get his mind off it. Then he got another call.

“Hey,” a deep voice said over the line. “This is Harry, Louis wanted me to talk to you. Are you really thinking about getting into cam?” 

Zayn stood up and paced across his room. “I guess. I just really need the money. Would you help me? How do I get a channel? I have a camera, but it’s old. And I’m really shy.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I can help with the channel, I have a camera, and I can give you tips. If you want, I can be with you for your first show, help you get some of my traffic. I have a lot of fans.” 

“I don’t know.” Zayn was a little nervous about doing anything with his best friend’s boyfriend. He didn’t want to mess anything up between them.“Maybe you can just give me some moral support.” 

“Always,” Harry said seriously. At least he sounded serious to Zayn. “I’ll show you how to get a channel and I’ll get you set up. Louis said several times that you’re one of the best looking lads he’s ever seen. I have no idea why he’s with me if that’s true.” Harry let out a low chuckle.

“Well…” Zayn didn’t feel like saying that he identified as straight right then, it wasn’t important really. “That’s nice of him,” he says finally. “Tell him I said thanks.” Awkward. 

“Okay,” Harry said, and he was just so chipper. “I’m gonna come over soon and help you set up. The place I get my channel from takes all kinds, but they love twinky college boys. You’ll probably fit right in there-do you have a lot of body hair?” 

“Um, no.” Zayn could feel himself flush. “I can grow it, but I shave. I even shave my arms.” 

“Perfect!” Harry sounded truly pleased, and this was the weirdest conversation Zayn had in a while. “That’s great, they love that. Do you shave your pubes?” 

Okay, NOW it was the weirdest conversation ever. “I um. I trim them? Like, I don’t care for being too hairy down there, but I like some.” Harry made a pleased noise and Zayn scratched his head. “I feel like this is an interview.” 

“It kind of is, I’m on skype with the guy who gets new talent and he’s listening to you over the speaker.” Zayn laughed, suddenly. It was such a surprise, but from what Louis has told him about Harry, he should have seen it coming. 

“Oh okay, hi then.” He wondered if Harry was just pulling a prank on him, and maybe he’d just said hello to nobody. 

“Hi Zayn,” a voice said, and Zayn immediately relaxed. The man just had that kind of voice. “I’m James, Harry called me. I just want to be sure you want to do this, he told me you just thought of the idea now. Don’t feel pressured into this, all right?” 

“Thanks,” Zayn said, sincere. “I think so. I don’t want to have to leave art school, I love it here. Do you keep information safe? Like my full name and stuff?” 

“Of course we do. We don’t want you getting stalkers, you’re just doing a job.” Zayn took a sigh of relief as James kept talking about moderators and safety measures. Zayn really didn’t want some creep following him to his dorm because of a few naked shows.

“So, are you going to be doing this alone?” That got Zayn’s attention back. 

“Um, yeah. Sure, I don’t have any plans to do it with anyone else.” Zayn scratched through his hair. He wasn’t planning on telling anyone about this outside of Louis and Harry.

“Because if you change your mind, I might know someone,” Harry chirped. Zayn had almost forgotten he was on the phone. “You know, just in case.” 

Zayn was glad they were on the phone and not Skyping, because he was sure he turned red just thinking about it. “Naw, I think I’m good Harry.” He’d barely just met Harry, and he’d never met his nameless friend that Harry wanted to set him up with for filmed play dates. Maybe he wasn’t ready for this after all. 

“Don’t worry about it,” James said. “If you want to later, that’s fine, but I think you’ll be good on your own. Harry just showed me a picture of your face, you’re very handsome. Are you Asian?” 

“Yeah,” Zayn said easily, then he thought about it. “Wait, don’t make a big deal about that, I don’t want my channel advertised only for guys who like Asian lads. That’s creepy.” Zayn still remembered the time a drunk girl in a bar hit on him by saying how much she loved “Indian” men, and then she’d passed out. He had felt weird about it for weeks.

“Okay. Although, they’ll find you at any rate.” Zayn nodded, figuring his was right. There was no stopping the obsessed. “Do you have any ideas for your channel? Are you going to play a role or do something to bring in more views? It’s mostly girls that have to do that, since there’s so many of them. But some of the guys do as well.”

“No, I don’t really have any plans.” He didn’t know what James meant really. What kind of ideas? Should he do a sing and dance routine? The idea made him laugh, and then he apologized. “Sorry, nervous.”

“Don’t be, you’re doing nothing wrong. At least, not if you’re of age. I’ll have to see your ID before we set you up, of course. We could go to jail if you were underage.” 

“Yeah, ‘course,” Zayn answers, and then they talk about small things and what Zayn liked to do for fun, and when he hung up, he had agreed to have his own cam channel. Just like that.

What the fuck. Zayn ran a hand over his face and looked for his weed stash. He needed it.

XXX

Two weeks later, Zayn was setting up his new (borrowed from Harry) camera, and talked to his room moderator. He’d already cleaned up his room, not wanting to look like a slob. Then he messed with the camera angles. He’d worried, asking Harry if he should start shirtless or not. Harry advised for it, saying a lot of men would look at his chest before deciding if they were going to stay. So he did, and it was a bit cold. 

After a few more tense minutes, Zayn sat on his bed, looking at the camera. “Hi, I’m Zayn,” he said, and then he felt some serious butterflies in his stomach. He wanted to cover his chest, but he kept his hands on the bed. “This is my first time on camera, thanks for being here.” 

He looked at the screen, and there were some replies already.

**Hi Zayn**  
**Nice abs**  
**Are U 18?**  
**Wank off for us**

Zayn looked at the token count, nothing yet. He looked back at the replies. One said **Tell us about urself** , and he liked that one. He could respond to that, the other ones made him nervous. 

“Um, I’m in art school, needed to make a bit of money so I’m here, I like graffiti art, illustration, comic books…” He didn’t know what else to say, so he smiled. “Sorry, I’m a little shy.”

 **It’s okay, ur still pretty**

Zayn flushed when he read that one. Someone else was being obscene and abusive, and Tim the mod had him banned. Thankfully someone else asked him about his favorite artists and Zayn talked about that for a few minutes, stretching every now and then to show off his chest. He watched as a few tokens started to add up, and as more people entered his channel. When he got to twenty-five tokens, he stripped down to his briefs. 

**Fuck yeah**  
**Take those off too!**  
**Get naked**  
**Can u suck ur own dick?**

Zayn felt more nervous, exposed, but he kept talking. One guy was asking him good questions, stuff about current events and things he felt comfortable answering. When he got to fifty tokens, he took off his shorts and posed with his ass facing the camera. He was still soft, so he pumped his fist over his cock, trying to get it hard. 

He turned back around when he was about half-hard, and he could see the comments screen roll over, people were going nuts. Just then he felt a thrill, a rush from the attention, and then his cock was fully hard. “All right, you want me to wank off?” He didn’t bother to check the replies before he started, watching the tokens go up, and he tried to draw it out.

When he came over his fist, he moaned loud, and grinned at the camera. “All right, that’s enough for tonight. Thanks.” He cut off the camera and looked at the tokens. Seventy-five. _Shit._ He was going to need more. 

He cleaned off and went to bed, hoping that nobody he knew would ever find that channel, but knowing he would do it again. He needed the money. And…it wasn’t all that bad.

…

Zayn did two more shows, every Saturday night, and the tokens didn’t budge from around seventy-five to a hundred. He got better at drawing it out, teasing his audience, but it still wasn’t all that lucrative. He met Harry in person (they’d been skyping and calling since he started), over lunch.

“It’s just not really helping much mate,” he said, taking a bit of his burger. They were at a swanky kind of bistro that wasn’t too posh not to serve a good burger. Zayn liked it, but he was glad Harry was paying. “Maybe I should just try getting a job, instead of this. Maybe it’s not for me.”

“You kinda like it though, you’re just getting into it. You’ll get an audience soon enough. There’s plenty of blokes who like guys like you.” Zayn wasn’t sure what Harry was referring too-his body type, his race, or any number of things. Some people had very particular preferences, and Zayn was learning that. He was so busy thinking about that, he almost missed what Harry said next. 

“Hey, I know a guy, he lives near you. Maybe you two could do shows together.” 

Zayn put his burger down. Harry was bringing that up again. “Another bloke? I told you Haz, I don’t actually get that into guys in real life.” It didn’t _bother_ him, of course, but still.

Harry shrugged. “I know, but he’s in the same position as you, he needs to make money fast, and he’s a nice fellow. Maybe you could just meet him, and even if it doesn’t work out, he could be a friend.” 

Zayn nodded at that. “I suppose so. I don’t have a lot of them.” Harry had turned out to be a solid mate, even if he was very different from him, and Zayn liked him nearly as much as he did Louis. Maybe Harry was right about this other guy. “What’s his name?”

“His name’s Niall, he’s Irish. He’s going to school near you. He’s a really nice lad, plays guitar. He’s bisexual, so he’s alright with touching boys.” Harry said it matter-of-factly, but it still made Zayn a bit nervous, to hear that. 

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll like to meet him, maybe we can get a bite or something.” Harry giggled then and Zayn frowned. “What?” 

“Niall’s right here, he was our waiter for today.” Harry turned around and waved, and a blond with a big smile came on over. “Niall, this is Zayn, I told you about him.” Niall held his hand out and Zayn shook it, feeling a bit dazed. 

“Um, hi. Nice to meet you.” Niall winked at him and Zayn knew he was blushing. Damn it. Niall laughed then. Niall had an open face and manner, and Zayn felt himself liking Niall right away. That wasn’t usual for him.

“No worries mate, it’s nice to see you too. Look, I get off in a couple hours, how about come around and we can talk about this? Or just talk, you look like you’ll be fun to have a laugh with.” Zayn looked Niall over, and the open, happy look on Niall’s face sold it for him.

“Alright. I’ll come back around. There’s a comic shop down the street, I’ll be there. Just come by when you’re done I guess.” 

“All right, I’ll probably be famished though, so we might go to the pub, if that’s okay. Anyway, I gotta check on my other tables. Nice to meet you Zayn.” Niall waved at him, and then walked in the direction of some other tables. Zayn turned back to Harry, who was looking smug.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t even say anything,” Harry said, looking slightly hurt. 

“I haven’t even met up with him, and you’re already looking all pleased with yourself.” Zayn finished his burger. “Okay, I’m ready to go look at some comics, you want to come?” 

Harry shook his head, fumbling for his wallet. “No, I’m going to the record shop instead. I have enough to get one or two new vinyl. And I want to get a gift for Louis.” Zayn smiled, because Harry was whipped. “You go have a good time.” 

“Alright, see ya mate.” Zayn got up and looked over his shoulder. Niall was at a table, talking animatedly, but he saw Zayn and nodded his head just a bit. Zayn left, feeling a bit excited and a lot strange. He headed to the comic shop across the street, waved at Mindy the counter girl, and soon lost himself in a rack of new releases.

“Hey.” 

Zayn started, he’d almost forgotten about Niall. “Hey, it’s been two hours already?” Niall laughed and nudged his arm.

“I actually got out a bit early, it was awfully slow after you left. Hey, like I said I’m starving, let’s go to the pub. Um, is that okay?” 

It took Zayn a minute to figure out what Niall meant, and then he nodded. “Yeah. I drink a little, I know I shouldn’t, but.” Niall just smiled, apparently not bothered by the answer.

“Don’t drink if you don’t want to, but I know sometimes people don’t even want to go to a pub. I love this one though, they have great food. But if not, maybe we can try somewhere else.” Zayn put down his copy of Thor and straightened up, his back popping. He’d been crouched over too long.

“I’m fine with that. If you like it, I probably will. I might not get much though, not really hungry.” 

“I know mate, that burger’s amazing. Come on, let’s get to know each other.” That made Zayn slightly nervous-it reminded him why they were meeting in the first place-but he went anyway. Zayn said goodbye to Mindy, and they were off.

The pub Niall took them too was small and dark. Zayn had a Coke, not wanting to drink in the middle of the day, and Niall had a couple of pints and a big plate of chips and a sandwich. “Thanks for coming out with me, I hope this isn’t too weird. I never thought to ask for someone to do shows with until Harry mentioned it.”

“Same,” Zayn agreed, sipping his Coke. “I could probably use someone, honestly. I get really nervous.” Zayn was a bit nervous now, but they were in a corner of the pub, and nobody seemed to be around. “It’s just so weird for me. Did Harry tell you I was straight?” 

“He mentioned it,” Niall said. “I’m bi, so I’m alright. Do you think you’d have trouble then, touching me?” 

Zayn looked at Niall, really looked at him. Even in the dim light, Niall was pretty and pale, with blue eyes and from what he could tell, a nice body. “I actually just say I’m mostly straight. So I don’t really have a problem with boys, no. I don’t have any experience, so if that’s a problem…” Zayn looked at his glass, and was surprised when Niall put a hand over his. 

“Not a problem mate, we can do whatever you’re comfortable with. If you just wanna wank off for each other on camera that’s fine. But…why do you say ‘mostly’ straight?” Niall looked interested and not mocking, so Zayn figured it was okay to tell him.

“When I was thirteen I got a crush on my best friend’s older brother. He’s my friend too, so it was pretty awkward. Only time I was really attracted to a bloke, so that’s why I say mostly.” Niall nodded and took a drink of his pint.

“See, it was kinda the same for me, except it was more than one lad. And I still liked girls, so I figured I was in the middle, and I am. It’s never bothered me, I don’t feel ashamed of it or nothin’.” Zayn took a chip from his plate and Niall batted at his hand, not making contact. “Hey, don’t steal my food when I’m bein’ honest, it’s rude.”

“Sorry,” Zayn said, smiling so he knew he didn’t look sorry at all. “Are you dating anyone? I might feel kind of weird, performing with someone who was taken.”

“Nope, single. I don’t date much, just because of school and stuff. I’m busy.” Zayn nodded, since he was too. “I’d like to, but then, you know, doing shows is a turn-off to some people, and I don’t blame ‘em.”

“I guess so. I didn’t think about that.” Zayn frowned, then went back to stealing another chip from Niall’s plate. He wasn’t seeing anyone either, in fact, he’d never really had a girlfriend. Niall was right, this might make it hard to meet girls. But, girls weren’t lining up to meet him anyway, so it probably didn’t matter.

“Quit taking my chips, order some of your own if you’re hungry.” Niall didn’t really look put out though, and he finished his lager. “Want to head back, or stay a bit longer? It gets a little crowded in her after work.” 

“I’m done. I was just eating your chips for something to do.” Niall rolled his eyes, but he put some money on the table and shook his head when Zayn tried to pay for his Coke. “Where do you live? I can’t afford a cab, but I can walk with ya. It’s not that far, is it?” 

“Not really, I live in the flats next to the art college, not that bad.” Niall grinned and put an arm around Zayn as they headed for the door. Zayn didn’t tell him to move it, it felt nice and comfortable, even though they’d just met. A good thing, considering what they’ll be doing together. 

Niall talked most of the way to Zayn’s flat, mostly about current events. Zayn lit up a cigarette and listened without adding much. Niall was interesting, easy-going, and Zayn figured Harry was right-if nothing else, they could be friends. 

When they got to Zayn’s flat, Niall hesitated for a moment, and it was the first time Zayn saw him look unsure. “Hey, I wanna ask you something. Since we’re gonna be on camera together, can I kiss you? Just to see if we have any chemistry or not.” 

Zayn looked down the hall, but nobody was there. “Okay,” he said, and Niall smiled before leaning in. His mouth was soft on Zayn’s, and he opened his mouth to it. Niall touched his tongue to Zayn’s, one hand on Zayn’s jaw. It felt normal to Zayn, even though Niall was the first boy he ever kissed. It was calming and sweet, and then Niall nipped at his mouth and Zayn felt heat flare through him. He tried to get Niall closer, but a door opened down the hall and he broke the kiss. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” Niall rubbed his mouth. “I guess we got nothing to worry about. Hey, give me your number, and I’ll call ya soon. We can start setting up our channel to be both of us. It’ll be fun, don’t worry about it.” Zayn stared at Niall’s mouth, and wanted to kiss it again. 

“Yeah.” They exchanged numbers, and Niall pulled Zayn in for a hug before leaving. Zayn went back inside and did some homework, thinking about his new friend. Now that Niall wasn’t in front of him, it made him nervous. But he figured they might be able to pull it off. 

…

Niall did call him the next day, and they texted or talked nearly every day until Saturday rolled around and Niall came by to help set up. Niall brought some beer, and he immediately took his shirt off when Zayn closed the door behind him. “We’re gonna be shirtless anyway, might as well get comfortable.” 

“I guess so,” Zayn said, and he pulled his off. Niall looked at him then, staring until Zayn frowned. “What?” 

“You’re gorgeous,” Niall said. “I can’t believe you have any problems getting people to your channel. You’re like a god.”

“I’m not,” Zayn protested. “I don’t understand why people say things like that.” Nobody ever seemed to notice him, he got exactly as little attention at uni he did back in Bradford. He knew he wasn’t ugly, but he didn’t think he was all that exceptional either. “You look good,” he said, to deflect Niall from talking about him anymore.

Niall looked down at his body and smiled. “Thanks. I worked out more this week, didn’t want to have a beer belly on camera ya know? Hey, do you want one?” He gestured at the beers he left on the kitchen counter. 

“I think I want to be sober for this. But thanks.” Zayn did briefly consider it, or getting some of his weed stash, but he didn’t think he should be smoking up on camera. “Hey, help me set up the cameras?” He looked over and Niall was standing in front of his table. Zayn came over. “That’s my doodle tablet. I just draw little things in that.”

Niall looked for another minute and then closed the book. “Those are good, I don’t really know, though. I’m not an artist, I just play guitar.” 

“Thanks. I’m glad you liked them.” Zayn didn’t mind if Niall wasn’t an expert. He smiled softly and Niall grinned back. “Okay, now the camera.” Niall got a beer and went with him. 

They got the camera set up and figured out where they would be. When it was time to go live, Niall grinned at Zayn. “Here goes nothing.” Zayn nodded and then smiled at the camera. 

“Hey. Thanks for coming in, this is my friend Niall, we’re gonna be doing these shows together now.” Zayn watched the comments scroll by as people reacted to the two of them. Niall put his arm around Zayn as they got comfortable, leaning back on the bed. 

Zayn looked down at the comments, he couldn’t help himself.  
_Blond and dark, nice_  
_I need a friend like that_  
_You gonna fuck?_

They talked a bit, answering questions. Niall liked to talk about politics, since he was a political student, and Zayn added to it when he could. Mostly he just talked about art, his usual subject. The entire time though, they kept touching and Zayn was always aware of Niall’s arm. 

At one point Niall put a hand on his jaw and tipped him close for a kiss. Zayn met it eagerly, his tongue sliding over Niall’s. They kissed for a while, then Niall broke it to answer another question. When he came in again, he whispered in Zayn’s ear. “We’ve got one hundred fifty so far mate, and we haven’t even gotten naked yet. Let’s keep making out.”

Zayn nodded, and he moved his hands over Niall’s chest, exploring. Niall had pebbly pink nipples, and he moaned softly when Zayn tweaked one. Zayn smiled, feeling smug, and he did it again. 

“Might be time to move on to the taking the trousers off part of the show,” Niall said, and he pulled his jeans off, leaving him in his pants. Zayn openly admired Niall’s body, he had the sweetest little bum and skinny legs. 

“Nice mate,” he said, and he could see a comment. **OMG have they never been naked before?!** Zayn decided he’d never tell. 

“You turn Zayn, take off the skinnies if you can.” Zayn laughed and took off his boots first, then moved off camera to take them off, in case there was some inelegant flailing. When he got them off, he was back in front of the camera. “Wow Zayn. Come over here so I can touch, okay?”

“Alright,” Zayn says, and he moved over to where Niall is. Niall put a hand on the small of his back when he leaned in for another kiss, and then he felt fingers brushing over his nipples. “Oh,” he said, out loud, and Niall giggled. Zayn bit his lip, and looked in the direction of the camera. This was good, his regulars should see this.

_Oh my god._  
_This is hot_  
_Fuck his white ass!_

“You ready?” Niall mouthed it to him, and Zayn nodded. They had talked about how far they were willing to go, Zayn getting the veto since he had hardly any experience with men. So Zayn kind of knew what was coming when him and Niall pulled their pants off. 

“Mother of God. Look at your dick.” Niall seemed actually impressed, and Zayn just shrugged and laughed. This was turning out to be easy-going, not the way he would have thought sex for money would be. Then Niall put a hand on him, just wrapping around his cock, and he moaned. 

“Ya like that, don’t ya?” Zayn nodded. Niall had good hands, calloused from his guitar playing. He moved his hand a couple of times before Zayn got it into gear and wrapped a hand around his length as well. “Yeah Zaynie, that’s good,” Niall said, and Zayn twisted his wrist, wanting to be good. 

Niall shifted them around, so they could reach each other’s cocks better, and then he leaned in for another kiss. They kissed softly while wanking each other off, and Zayn had a hard time not smiling. It was just so fun. 

Eventually, Niall put his sharp little teeth into Zayn’s neck, and jerked him hard until Zayn came, mouth open but no noise coming out. When he was spent and boneless on the bed, Niall wanked himself off onto Zayn’s stomach, getting another dry chuckle out of Niall. “And that’s that, guys” Zayn said to the camera, and Niall came in for another kiss. Then that was it.

“Sick, mate,” Niall said as he looked at the tokens they’d gotten. Zayn was wiping himself clean with the flannel Niall had thrown at him. “We got over five hundred and we didn’t even have sex really. There’s a gold mine in this.” 

“So we’re on again for next Saturday?” Zayn said, and Niall grinned at him. 

“You better believe it.”

…

Zayn went about his normal business during the week. He went to class, he drew, and he talked to his friends. Then Saturday, he got a text from Niall that just said **Ya ready for tonight?** and he smiled. The show were fun, casual, and although him and Niall talked about what they would probably do, it wasn’t heavily planned out. It was just…fun.

After the second show, Zayn called Harry. “Hey. Thanks for introducing me to Niall, he’s brilliant to work with.” 

“Good,” Harry said. “I thought you two would hit it off. I saw your first show, wanted to find out if you two worked well together.” Zayn wasn’t surprised, he’d kind of expected it actually.

“What did you think?” Zayn trusted Harry’s opinion on this. He’d watched a few minutes of Harry’s camshow, and he had a lot of good little tricks to keep people interested. He figured Harry would let him know if they were any good.

“Brilliant, you two have chemistry like nobody’s business. You seem really comfortable with each other. Are you mates? Niall’s a great guy.”

“Yeah, he’s fun to hang around with. He makes everything feel okay. I don’t know if I could do this with another bloke, honestly.” Zayn would probably be too shy. Niall had a way of making the strangest things feel normal.

“Still straight then?” Zayn almost argued with Harry, but then he laughed. “Don’t worry, ‘m only teasing. Niall’s just easy-going like that. I’d work with him, but, you know. In a relationship.” 

“Yeah.” Zayn suddenly thought of what he would do if any girl were interested in him. “Hey, how did you tell Louis about your shows?” He wondered if Harry would have any advice on that front.

“I just sat him down and showed them to him,” Harry said, and Zayn could hear the smugness in his voice. “It turned him on.” 

“Of course it did. Okay, I have to study, see you.” Harry chirped a goodbye and Zayn went to his books, thinking about Niall. He needed to text him soon.

…

“So. I was thinking about the shows.” 

Zayn looked over to where Niall was sprawled out on his floor, peeling the label off a beer bottle. They were having a night in, when they both didn’t have any early classes.“Yeah, what were you thinking about?” 

“I mean, we’re having a lot of fun as it is, making a ton of cash, but…maybe we can do more. Like, I can blow ya or something?” He looked up at Zayn, gauging his reaction. “I know you’re straight, but…”

“I’d be fine with that, I just don’t know how to do it back is all.” Niall looked at him, and nodded. “I mean…how do you do it?”

“Me, personally?” Niall sat up, and looked toward the wall. “Mostly I just go for it, whatever the person likes. Except I don’t deep throat, I’ve got a terrible gag reflex, so that’s out.” Zayn slid forward a little, and Niall looked over at him. “I just have a good time doing it, it’s fun.”

“I’ve always liked getting them, so yeah.” Niall laughed then, a bit pink around the ears but otherwise okay. “I just…it looks like it’s hard to do.” 

“Not really. Most people aren’t that picky, they just like a warm mouth. Even if I can’t get them off just with me mouth they’re fine. I can always finish them with my hand.” Zayn looked at Niall’s jeans, and he seemed to be a little hard, just talking about it. 

Zayn shifted in his seat. “One time a girl tried going down on me, but she nearly threw up. So we stopped. I never saw her again.” He hoped he hadn’t made her feel bad about it, he didn’t think he did. Maybe she was embarrassed.

“That’s too bad. But nearly everyone gags, it’s just what happens.” Niall looked over at him. “That wasn’t the only time a girl went down on you, was it?” 

“No.” It had happened a couple of other times. None of them were than great, really, so Zayn didn’t say anything else. He took a sip of his beer and didn’t notice that Niall was closer until he was right on him. He blinked. “Niall?”

“I can do it to you now, if you want. Just look at it as practice.” 

Zayn could feel his cock get harder in his jeans. Just looking at Niall on his knees in front of him was enough to get him interested. Zayn was sure there were a lot of reasons as to why this was a bad idea, but he couldn’t think of any of them right then. He licked his lips, and Niall smiled at him. “Okay. This is just between us, okay?”

“Course it is,” Niall said, and he reached for Zayn’s zipper. Zayn helped him get his cock out, and Niall grinned at him before he licked the head. Zayn put his beer on the table as Niall got his mouth around him. He sucked the tip in and then pulled off. “Still really like your dick.”

“Oh. Good,” Zayn said and he dug his fingers into his thigh as Niall went down again. He did have a bad gag reflex, pulling off and coughing a couple of times, but Zayn didn’t mind. He relaxed into it, one hand on Niall’s shoulder, as Niall licked and sucked and made him hotter. “Fuck.”

“Can you come like this? If I did a little more?” Zayn nodded and Niall grinned up at him. “Good. Having so much fun mate.” Then Niall went a bit further, gagging around his cock and Zayn awkwardly patted Niall’s hair. 

“I’m gonna come, Niall, pull…” He had to break off there, as he came and watched as his come dribbled out of Niall’s mouth. He sunk back in the chair, eyes half-closed, as Niall wiped his mouth. 

“Thanks,” Niall said, and Zayn laughed a bit, because shouldn’t he be saying that? “I’ll leave if you want me to.” Zayn couldn’t understand why Niall said that, especially since he had a huge bulge in his jeans now. 

“Don’t go,” Zayn said, his voice hoarse like he was the one on his knees. “You need to get off, I can do that…” He sat up a bit, reaching out for Niall.

“You sure?” Niall looked at him. “I mean, I can take care of it, we’re not on camera.” 

“I want to, it’s okay,” Zayn said, and Niall nodded, unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them and his pants down. Niall had a nice dick, bright red and uncut, and Zayn moved so he could get his hand wrapped around it. 

“Gonna use your mouth too?” Zayn shook his head, although it might be better to get practice for that now instead of when they’re doing a show. He licked his hand and went back. Niall moved in closer, bracing himself with one hand on the chair arm. 

Zayn looked up at Niall’s face. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing fast and ragged as Zayn tried to bring him over. It wasn’t so bad, having a boy’s cock in his hand. He was starting to get used to it. He thought about Danny, if he’d had the nerve to do it back then, and then dismissed it. He would have been too young then, and Niall was his friend. He was a good person to do this with.

“Ah, just a bit more, come on…” Zayn twisted his wrist and Niall started to come over his hand. Zayn lifted his head again, and Niall moved down so they could kiss, Zayn still wanking him. “Okay, that’s enough, getting sensitive.” 

“Sorry,” Zayn said, letting go. Niall kissed him again and went to the bathroom, hitching up his jeans with one hand. Zayn got his beer and finished it off while waiting for Niall to come back. He showed up with a flannel and wiped Zayn up. “You alright?” Niall had a strange look on his face, Zayn couldn’t figure it out.

“I’m alright. It’s late, is all. I should probably go.” 

“You can crash, if you want.” Niall shook his head. “It’s okay, I know the bed’s not that big but…”

“No, it’s fine,” Niall said, and Zayn blinked. Niall almost sounded churlish, and that wasn’t like him. “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to put ya out.” Zayn wanted to say that he wasn’t, that Zayn didn’t mind, but the look on Niall’s face made him leave it. “I’ll text you when I get home, let ya know I’m okay,” Niall said, and he was pulling his clothes back on, heading for the door.

“Okay. I’ll see you soon,” Zayn said. If Niall really wanted to go, he wouldn’t stop him. Niall waved and grinned at him before he went out the door. Zayn got up after a minute and locked the door behind him. Then he got another beer. 

It was an hour before he got a text. Zayn woke up, getting his phone, groggy. It was from Niall. **Hey, got home fine, sleep well.**

Zayn texted him back quickly. **Sure bro, same. Text me tomorrow.**

Nothing had changed, really.

…

The next show was fantastic. They jerked each other off, and Niall sucked Zayn as well. Zayn didn’t go down on Niall exactly, but he did play with his cock while the camera got all of it. It was a great night, and they made a lot of money. Afterwards, Niall stuck around and they looked at their inboxes for fun.

“Here’s a picture of a dick,” Niall said, and Zayn grinned. “Here’s another picture of a dick. Here’s, wait for it, a picture of a dick.” Niall shook his head. “This dick needs to get waxed, that’s a lot of hair.” 

“I wonder what they think we’ll do when they send that,” Zayn said. “It’s not like we don’t have them ourselves.” Niall nodded, getting another sip of his beer. 

“I know mate. Oh, hey. This one wants to send us a toy, and he wants me to use it on you.” Zayn laughed, unbelieving, and then looked over. “Here’s a picture of it. Oh no, that’s a bit much for a novice.”

“Yeah, I don’t know if I want that up my bum right yet.” Zayn wasn’t sure there would ever be a good time for that toy to be in him. It was pretty big. “Maybe you can make an offer, get him down to something smaller.” 

“Zaynie, you’re making it sound like I have a chance in hell of penetratin’ you anytime soon. Is that the case?” Niall gave him that look that meant that he was kidding, but also telling the truth. Zayn just shrugged.

“I might. I’m still thinking about it, you know.” He liked nearly everything that Niall did to him, but there could be a limit. “You’ve told me about it, and you always seemed to like it.” Niall liked to talk about sex after he’d had a few beers in him.

“Oh yeah, I love it. Both ways, getting done and doing it to someone. But I know with you it’s baby steps. I don’t want to do too much too soon mate.” Zayn shrugged, looking at his laptop. He wasn’t sure what would be too much for him either. Niall had a way of making things not scary, but still. 

“I might like to try something, yeah. But I don’t know when, or what. I’m sorry I’m not helping you much.” Niall came over to him and put a hand on Zayn’s shoulder, squeezing a bit. The warmth was nice.

“it’s your virginity, you get to decide when.” Niall bent down and kissed Zayn’s hair, and Zayn kept looking through his inbox as Niall got himself a beer. There was another picture of a cock, but just the root, from a bloke who had pulled his shorts down a little. Zayn gave the bloke points for the attempt at subtlety.

…

A few weeks later, Louis and Harry had invited Zayn and Niall to a party. Niall spent forty-five minutes talking him into it, and then went with him, promising to stay close so he didn’t get stuck with people he didn’t know. “We don’t have to be there long,” he said. So Zayn met Niall at the restaurant after his job and they took the train to the party together.

“Wish I could’ve brought my guitar,” Niall said on the train. “Dunno if it’s that kind of party anyway.” 

“It’s alright, I’d like it better if you weren’t in a corner playing Creep or whatever,” Zayn said, and Niall laughed a bit.

“I’d play something better than that, I have taste.” Zayn just looked at him, and Niall laughed louder, making an older man glare at him. Zayn gave him a cheeky look and the guy grumbled, staring at the floor again. 

“Right, sorry,” Niall said, to the bloke across from them, and Zayn giggled into his hand. 

Finally they made it to the party. Louis answered the door. “Zayn! Niall! Come in, there’s a bit of something for everyone. Beer’s over there, and there’s snacks on the table, help yourself.” Louis gave them both a quick hug, and then went back to the party. 

Niall went straight to the table and Zayn followed him, getting a soda where Niall got a beer. Zayn didn’t want to get too drunk around people he didn’t know, so he figured he’d start slow. 

“Wow, you can tell which items Harry put out and which Louis did.” Zayn looked over, and Niall pointed at the food arranged on the table. There was a bowl full of crisps with one tub of pre-made dip, another bowl of pretzels, and then a very nicely cut tray of fresh fruit, and another tray of small sandwiches on whole wheat.

Zayn laughed. “Harry’s probably the only thing keeping Louis alive.” Niall laughed too, and touched Zayn’s arm. Zayn grabbed one of the small sandwiches and finished it in two bites. “These are pretty good, if you’re interested.

“Maybe mate. Okay, I’m gonna go mingle around, you want to come?” Zayn shrugged, and then followed him. He didn’t really have anything else to do. Niall was better at small talk than he was, so he should probably watch and learn.

They moved around the party for a while, Niall chatting with people at random, Zayn not really talking to anyone, until Louis saw them. “Hey! Niall, Zayn, come meet my friend.” They moved over and Zayn saw a good looking guy, nicely built, looking at them with curiosity. “This is Liam, he’s studying music engineering but I’m trying to get him to take something less boring.” 

“Hey Liam,” Zayn said. Liam smiled, but it seemed unsure. He was looking between Zayn and Niall, like he knew them or had seen them somewhere. Suddenly Liam’s eyes went wide, and Zayn knew where Liam had seen them. Liam flushed dark red, and started to stammer, moving away from them. 

“Sorry, I just need…I’ll be in the bathroom.” Liam made a graceless escape. Zayn looked over at Louis, and shook his head. 

“What happened?” Niall looked over to the bathroom. “He’s alright, isn’t he?” 

“He will be,” Zayn said. He felt a little prickly now, exposed. If Liam had seen him and Niall get naked, who else did? He turned, wanting to find a quiet spot where he could sit and be left alone. But then Harry saw him and he got pulled into a bear hug that lasted a couple of minutes. Eventually, he found someplace nice. A few minutes later, Niall came to sit with him.

“It’s all right, you can go talk to other people if you want,” Zayn said. He never wanted his friends to become social pariahs just because he was. “I don’t mind.” He just needed a few minutes and he’d be sorted. It wasn’t a big deal.

“Just takin’ a break is all,” Niall said, and Zayn could accept that excuse. He took a beer when Niall handed one over, and they watched the crowd in silence. Liam eventually showed back up, looking embarrassed. He looked around the room until he saw Zayn and Niall, and came over, standing a few feet away. 

“Hey,” Liam said, giving them a sheepish wave. “I’m really sorry, I got a bit freaked out.” 

“It’s all right,” Zayn said, and Niall looked between the two of them, still confused. “Things like that happen,” Zayn said, and Niall gave him a look that let Zayn know he’d put it together. “Thanks for the support then, mate.” That made Liam turn bright red again, but he also laughed. It was a nice laugh.

“Sorry, I’m being such a creeper. You two just came here to have a good time. Are you both really in school?” Niall straightened up in his chair, grinning. 

“Yep, paying for it the old-fashioned way, with sex work. Zayn goes to art school, I’m studying music and a minor in government. And you’re in music engineering? Sick.” Liam brightened up at that, and him and Niall talked about school for the longest. Zayn added comments when he felt he could get a word in edgewise, but he mostly let them converse without him.

When Niall left to get another beer, Liam sat in his seat. “Hey, um, I just wanted to say that, your shows have helped me a lot. I wasn’t out, not until recently. It made me feel better, since it’s not like watching pro porn. I mean, you and Niall are just regular lads.” 

“Good. I’m glad it helped.” Zayn never expected to have this conversation with someone who watched his channel, but that was sweet, in a way. He’d always hoped he’d help someone somehow, but he didn’t expect it would have been with a sex channel. “I really just did it for the money, but that’s nice, thanks.” 

“Can I ask something?” Zayn made a ‘go ahead’ gesture with his beer. “Is Niall your partner off-camera too?” Zayn had to take a minute, because he hadn’t expected that one. “Sorry, did I say something wrong?”

“No, not at all.” Zayn took another swig of beer. “Niall’s my mate. We’re good friends, but we don’t fool around off-camera. I actually don’t date boys at all. Niall does though.” He watched Liam’s face as he took that in, looking a little disappointed and then nodding. 

“Oh. I never would have guessed.” Zayn nodded. He didn’t need to tell Liam about the time he and Niall fooled around off-camera. That was private. “Are you really straight?” Zayn shrugged, because it was as true as anything else. “Sorry then. I was thinking of asking you out.”

“Thanks, but yeah. Ask out Niall, he’d probably go for it.” Zayn figured it was a good idea: Liam was good looking, sweet, and fun to talk to. Niall might enjoy going out with him. “Here he comes now.” Liam looked over just as Niall came back, beer in hand. 

Niall sat back down and started talking to both of them. Zayn mostly sat back and didn’t say much, and Liam talked about movies and video games, safe topics. He waited for Liam to make a move but he never did. When they decided to leave, Liam waved at the door while Harry walked them halfway to the Underground. 

“Was a nice lad, wasn’t he?” Zayn knew that Niall meant Liam. Niall was a bit drunk, leaning against him. He was warm and smelled good, sweet, like pancakes or something. “Poor bastard, having to see us unexpected like that. I think he liked you.” 

“Maybe.” Niall didn’t say much else, so they just waited for the train. When they got on, Niall put his head on Zayn’s shoulder, and Zayn ruffled his hair. They rode in silence, until they got to their stop. Niall was nearly asleep, and Zayn half-carried him to his apartment. 

“You’re staying over tonight,” Zayn said, and Niall just made an affirmative noise as Zayn dragged him over to the couch. Zayn had gotten Niall’s shoes off and was going to get him a blanket and pillow when Niall said something. “What?”

“No. Not on the couch. Sleep with you?” Niall was still mostly out of it, but Zayn could understand him. He just sighed, and helped Niall back up. Niall managed to get his sweatshirt off himself, but Zayn had to help with the jeans. Then he flopped down on the bed. “Night Zaynie.” 

“Night,” Zayn said, and he tucked himself in, turning to face the wall. He wasn’t used to sleeping with another person, but Niall didn’t snore too much. Zayn closed his eyes.

…

“Hey.”

Zayn woke up the next morning to Niall shaking his shoulder. It took him a few minutes to realize where they were, and what had happened. He turned and looked at Niall, who seemed apologetic. “Wake up, I’m gonna fix us breakfast before I have to go. Least I can do, since you let me sleep over.”

“Not much else I could do, you were asleep on your feet.” Zayn sat up, stretching his arms over his head. He had only his pants on, but he wasn’t embarrassed. Niall had seen his dick plenty of times, so his pants were nothing, really.

Niall had on his sweatshirt and a pair of Zayn’s trackies. “Sure, but thanks anyway. I’m gonna find what you have for breakfast. See ya.” Niall went towards his kitchen, and after a few minutes Zayn decided to get up. 

By the time he’d finished peeing and brushing his teeth, Niall had some eggs going on the stove, and the radio on. He was singing along to it softly, and Zayn smiled. He wondered if this was what living with a lover was like.

“Smells good,” Zayn said when he walked into the kitchen. Niall looked over his shoulder and grinned at him. Zayn got himself a cup of tea, and got the plates. “Aren’t you sick, though?”

“What, from the beer? Not really. I don’t get hangovers much. I know I probably seemed bad, but for me, that was an easy night.” Niall scooped up an egg with a spatula and put it on the plate Zayn held out. 

“Good,” Zayn said, getting the toast and butter. They went to the little table Zayn had found on the curb, and they ate. “I told that Liam guy to ask you out,” Zayn said, as conversation, and Niall looked up at him, confused.

“Why?”

“I just thought he’d be nice. He said we helped him be okay with liking blokes. You’re not dating anyone right now, so…” Zayn shrugged. It had made sense to him at the time, but Niall’s reaction was making him wonder. “Should I not have done that?”

Niall thought about it. “Oh man, that’s gonna be so embarrassing when I see him again.” Niall groaned. “I got his phone number, just to be friends. I dunno what I’m gonna do now.” He laughed, and Zayn laughed a bit too. 

“Well he never asked, so I don’t think you’re in the wrong in any way,” Zayn said. “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you first. But…why not?” Zayn had never seen Niall date anyone, in the time they’d been together. Neither had he, but still.

Niall looked at him, and Zayn couldn’t place the expression at first. Then Niall shrugged and said “I…fuck. I don’t know. I just don’t want to. Maybe I don’t wanna see anyone right now. My life is pretty good, you know. I’ve got a lot of friends, I’m in school. No reason to mess it up.”

“Yeah, guess not,” Zayn said, getting a bit of his eggs. Niall was quiet after that. Zayn figured it was just because he was hungry. They ate mostly in silence, then Niall got ready and left, hugging him on the way out. He said he had promised to watch footie with his friend Bressie, and Zayn understood. He didn’t mind at all.

…

“I think I need to learn to go down on you.” 

Niall blinked, looking over at Zayn. They were watching a concert on telly, and Niall had had a couple of beers. “I mean, we still haven’t done it on camera, and we keep getting messages about it.” Zayn had read one that said he was an uptight tease, and it bothered him more than it should have. 

“Fuck the messages, you don’t have to pay attention to that shit,” Niall said. Zayn could’ve predicted he would say that, Niall always put Zayn’s comfort with what they did first. “Don’t push yourself, Zaynie. Not a race.”

“I’m not pushing myself. We’ve been doing this for a couple months now, I should at least try.” Zayn sat his beer down and came over to where Niall was, sitting next to him, and rubbed his knee. Niall looked straight ahead, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “I want to try, and I wouldn’t do it with anyone else. Can I?”

Niall didn’t look at him, taking another sip and staring at the telly, and Zayn didn’t move. When he started to pull his hand from Niall’s knee, Niall said “All right, if that’s what you want. I ain’t gonna stop ya.” 

Zayn took another sip of his beer and got off the couch. He moved until he was in front of Niall, who was still watching TV, not looking down at him. “Niall, come on,” Zayn said. “You not gonna even watch me?” 

“Maybe not,” Niall said, but there was an edge of humor in his tone, and that made Zayn grin. This would probably go just fine. He unzipped Niall’s cargo shorts, leaving Niall’s pants on for now. As much as Niall was trying to give the impression that he didn’t care, Zayn could see he was half-hard. 

“You want me to start now? Pull down your pants and get to it?” Zayn ran a finger over Niall’s length. It twitched, and Niall shifted in his chair. “Okay, since you’re not saying anything, I’ll take it as a yes.” He pulled Niall’s pants down and his cock sprung free. Zayn got a hand on it, wanking it a couple of times before getting his mouth on it. By now, Niall was watching him, lower lip caught in his teeth.

Zayn put the flat of his tongue on the head of Niall’s cock, then sucked it in. He tried to do what Niall did, to him, or the porn videos he’d watched. He tried to remember what he liked. Niall rubbing a hand over the back of Zayn’s head, feeling the shaved hair there, and that encouraged him, made him feel better about what he was doing. Niall was still oddly silent, though.

It took longer than he thought it would. His jaw ached from taking Niall down, and Niall wasn’t giving him a lot of feedback, other than touches and occasional grunts. He pulled off at one point. “A little direction here?” 

Niall blinked, looking a bit surprised. “You’re doin’ great, just maybe suck around the head a bit harder. I’m sensitive there, and I’ll tell you before I come.” Niall patted him then, a friendly touch to his shoulder, and Zayn went back to it, sucking more around the head as requested. 

Eventually, Niall whimpered and pulled at his hair. Zayn pulled off and watched as Niall came over his fist. When Zayn looked up Niall had his eyes closed and Zayn kissed over his thigh. “Did I do okay?” Zayn asked, rubbing over Niall’s pale thigh.

Niall let out a long, satisfied sigh. “Yeah, you did good. You must’ve liked it, how into it you got.” Zayn grinned and got up, going to the bathroom to clean up. After he washed his hands, he got a flannel to clean up Niall. He was a bit surprised to see Niall standing up, buttoning himself back up. 

“Where you going? I was gonna clean you up, game’s starting soon if you want.” Zayn felt a bit awkward, wet flannel in hand, and Niall turned to look at him. Zayn knew that closed off expression, and he inwardly winced. He could never win an argument with it. 

“I gotta go mate, I’ll text you when I get home, let you know I got home alright. You did really well, maybe we’ll do that this Saturday. But I gotta go now, sorry.” He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Zayn’s check, and then walked towards the apartment door. “See you.” Before Zayn could say anything, he was gone.

Zayn didn’t see Niall again until that Saturday. They texted and talked, but Niall said he was busy when Zayn asked him to come by. He decided that Niall was probably busy, they were both students after all. Zayn called his mum, did his homework, and put his mind on the present until Saturday rolled around and Niall was at his door with some beer and a ready grin. Zayn felt something in him perk up when he let Niall in. He had missed his friend.

“Hey Niall, come on in. Want a beer? I got a good feeling about tonight, it’s gonna be sick.” Niall gave him a distracted nod, and moved past Zayn, not taking a hug from him. Zayn stared at his back-what was wrong? “Hey, you alright? Want a beer?”

“Maybe in a minute mate,” Niall said, and he went to Zayn’s bathroom. Zayn just went to check the camera and space, tidying it up a bit. When Niall came back, he was sitting in his chair, his clothes gone except for his pants. 

“All ready, huh,” Niall said, and he stripped down until he was the same, and sat on the chair near Zayn. “What do you want to do tonight?” 

“What we did last week, maybe,” Zayn said, and Niall nodded, a bit short but at least Zayn felt like Niall was hearing him. “I mean, if you want to. Do you want to skip tonight? You don’t seem like you’re that into it.” 

“No, I wanna do it,” Niall said, and he caught Zayn’s eye for the first time since he came in. “And maybe I’ll get a beer. Turn the camera on at eight, okay?” He padded off in the direction of the kitchen, and Zayn made a few last adjustments. When Niall got back, they were ready.

“Hey,” Zayn said to the camera when they were live. They did what they normally did, and answered questions about politics and current events before they did anything together. The main difference Zayn noticed, he had to initiate everything. Niall was a bit withdrawn, and when Zayn looked at the comments, he could tell the viewers had noticed too.

_What’s wrong w/blondie_  
_Cheer up its sex_  
_He needs a good fucking_

Zayn looked away from that and put his focus on Niall. When he leaned in for a kiss, Niall kissed back, but it wasn’t very enthusiastic. “Okay?” he whispered into Niall’s mouth, and that got him a small nod. Zayn rubbed over his friend’s nipple, which got him a grunt. 

Zayn took control of the camshow, alternating between teasing Niall and answering questions. At one point they both took off their pants, and Zayn wanked Niall off while Niall didn’t even touch him. “Come on Niallar, give me a hand why don’t you,” he whispered in Niall’s ear, and then Niall nodded and put a hand on Zayn. It was dry, but at least it was something. 

After a few minute, Zayn turned to the camera. “I’m gonna do something we haven’t done on camera before. I finally learned how to give a blowjob last week. So, Niall…” he turned to look at Niall, and he got a short nod, but no smile or what he would normally expect from his friend. It was…strange.

Niall didn’t stop him though, in face he spread his legs apart nice and wide so Zayn could get between them. When he sucked Niall’s cock, Niall gripped his hair, and he took that as another good sign. It wasn’t as hard to do as last time, and he let himself enjoy it, hoping it looked good for the camera. 

Zayn bobbed down on Niall and coughed. “Sorry,” he said to the camera, and Niall laughed a bit and ruffled his hair. That made him feel better, like it was really Niall and not some pod person version of him. He kept going, not taking so much this time. Niall kept his hand in Zayn’s hair, not guiding so much as just touching gently. 

“Let me know,” Zayn whispered, looking up at Niall’s face, and he nodded. Zayn sucked him a bit more until Niall let out a loud sigh and pushed him off. Zayn finished him off with his hand, and laughed a bit, nervous, when they were done. He cleaned up his hand and Niall with some wet wipes. “Okay, now me.”

“I gotcha,” Niall said, and he kissed Zayn, then moved him over to the bed, Niall adjusting the camera. “We didn’t plan this out,” Niall said, and he was speaking to Zayn, not the camera. “But I’d like to finger you, see if you like it. Do you want to?” 

And why not, Zayn had just given his second blowjob and he was harder than he figured he’d ever been. “Sure Niall, I trust you.” Zayn could almost feel their audience flip out as he spread his legs apart and Niall got some lube. When Niall slid the first finger in, it wasn’t that comfortable, since they had to have a good camera angle, but Niall shifted just a little and then it was just fine. 

Zayn wanked himself off as Niall slowly fingered him. By the time Niall had two fingers in him, Zayn was almost there. “Wanna come Niall, please, I’m close.” Niall made a considering noise and Zayn laughed. “Come on, I’ve been good.” 

“No you haven’t,” Niall said, and gave him a hard look. “But you can come anyway.” Zayn wanked himself a few more times, and then came over his stomach, Niall’s fingers still stretching him. Zayn let out a long moan, and Niall eased his finger out before cleaning him up. 

They ended the camshow then, and Niall got up. “Hey, don’t go yet. Stay a bit, we can watch footie if you want, is Ireland playing?” Niall looked strange, closed-off, and Zayn put a hand on his arm. “You’ve been distant lately, did I do something wrong?”

Niall deflated then, looking at the floor. “More like I did.” Zayn didn’t know what Niall was talking about, and was about to say so when Niall spoke up again. “I just…I kinda fell in love with ya, and you’re straight. I mean, you like to have fun, but that’s it. And you keep asking me for more and more and I know that nothing’s gonna come of it, in the end. So…I think I should go.” 

Zayn was stunned, unable to do anything but stand there and stare at Niall. He should have seen it, he thought, seen this coming. But it was a complete surprise to him. “You’re my friend, I care about you,” is what he said. “Are you going to stop seeing me?”

“Maybe for a while, until I get over you a bit. And I don’t think I can do any more shows. I can’t, it hurts to have you in front of a camera but I know you won’t kiss me in the hall outside your apartment, because God forbid one of your neighbors sees you. I think you have a few things to sort out, Zayn. And I’m not saying that to be mean.” 

“No,” Zayn said, quietly. “You’ve never been mean to me.” He knew Niall was right-he would get fingered on camera but the idea of telling his family he fancied boys too, that was too much. “I’m sorry Niall. I still want to be your friend. Maybe later. Can I hug you before you go?”

Niall looked up at him and shook his head. “Sorry. It would hurt too much. I love you though. If you ever decide that maybe you could be with me, and be open, let me know. Until then, I think I shouldn’t come around.” Zayn moved out of Niall’s way, and Niall went out the door. Zayn stared at it for a few minutes after it closed, and he didn’t know what he was feeling.

The rest of the weekend was a blur to Zayn. He would hate to admit it, but he spent a lot of it drunk, playing his favorite music and watching movies. Then he called up Louis on Sunday and told him what happened. “Tell me the truth Lou, am I closeted? Is Niall right about that?”

“You might be. I can’t be more clear than that, because I didn’t know how far you were taking it with him. But I’ve seen your webcams, so I had an idea. I just-Niall’s a really sweet lad, and he gets attached. If you want to be with him, well, at least you know what to do.”

“I guess. Right now I want my friend back, but yeah. I think I want more than that. I don’t know what all I’m feeling, but I miss him. I’m gonna see if I can be less awful and maybe he’d want me back.” Zayn got his pot out and started rolling a joint. It would probably be better for him than the beer. 

“Just be sure that’s what you want. Don’t go in expecting to just be friends again. Niall’s let you know that he wants more.” Zayn rubbed his face, feeling empty, and nodded. “Harry’s been talking to Niall, by the way. I can’t tell you what they’ve said of course, but he’s been trying to help.” 

“Good,” Zayn said. He was glad that Niall had someone to talk to if nothing else. “I don’t know what I’m going to do about the camshows. It’s either do them alone or stop.” He lit up the joint and inhaled.

“That’s the least of your worries, or at least the second of them, but yeah. I know you need the money,” Louis said. “Do them alone, unless it’s too awkward without Niall. You two had a lot of fun doing those, you were always laughing.” 

“Yeah.” Zayn sniffled a little. “I took Niall for granted, I guess. Okay. I should go now.” Louis said goodbye and Zayn put down the weed for a second and started clearing up the beer bottles strewn around his apartment. Then he took a shower, washing his hair. Then he called his mum.

“Hey,” he said, and he let his mum talk a while, telling him about what his sisters had been doing, things around the neighborhood. After a few minutes, Zayn said “Mum, I’ve got something to tell you. I like boys.” 

“Wait,” his mum said, and Zayn tensed. “You do? I thought you liked girls, you went after Danny’s cousin a couple of years ago. I remember that.”

“I think it’s safe to say I like both,” Zayn said. “You didn’t know this, but I was interested in Danny’s cousin only because I was really interested in Danny.” There was a long pause.

“Oh,” his mum said. “Are you still? Because I think Danny has a girlfriend now.” 

“No. I might be in love with a friend. I don’t know. But he left last night, said I wasn’t being serious.” Zayn felt strange, telling his mother this. “I want him to come back, but I want to be sure first. And I wanted to be honest.” 

“Honey, is this the boy you were doing the camshows with?” Zayn went still, unbelieving. How did his mum know about that? “We’ve known for a month, a friend of ours found it. If you needed money, why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t want to bother you,” Zayn said, his voice quiet. “I wanted to make the money myself, I never thought you would find out. You’ve still got the girls to think about.” Zayn was quiet for a moment, then he said “I really miss him mum.”

“Oh Zayn,” she said. “You always do things a bit differently, and I guess this time it wound up being more than you expected. We can send you extra money, if you need it. As for your friend…” she paused. “You try to get him back if that’s what you want, if that’s what makes you happy. When I heard about the camshows, I was honestly more upset with the fact that you were drinking.” 

“Yeah, I need to stop that maybe,” Zayn said, laughing a bit. Leave it to his mum to focus on that. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I don’t know if I can get him back mum. It hurts, that I wasn’t good to him and that he’s not around now.”

“You can do it. But if he doesn’t come back, it’s not your fault.” Zayn wasn’t sure about that, but he agreed anyway, and then they talked about other things until Zayn hung up. 

Well, Zayn thought. _One down._

…

Slowly, through the next few days, Zayn came out to friends and family. He thought about why he felt the need to try to hide that, and concluded that he was just scared of people seeing him differently. Some of them did, but most of his friends just shrugged. 

Zayn wanted to talk to Niall then, but he didn’t think he was quite ready. He wasn’t sure if he was in love with Niall or just missing him as a friend, and Niall wanted him to be sure. He spent some time alone, the only person he talked to often being Louis. He stopped making camshows, not wanting to do them alone. He drew a lot, trying to keep himself occupied. 

After a few weeks, he went to Niall’s apartment. He still didn’t think he was ready, but he also didn’t think he was going to get any more sure than he was.

Niall was home, and looked a bit surprised to see him, but let him in. “Hey. Do you want something to drink?” 

“No. I just wanted to talk to you. I missed you a lot Niall.” Niall turned away from him, shaking his head. “What? I haven’t even told you anything, are you already rejecting me?” 

“I don’t know, Zayn. I guess let me know what you’ve been doing.” Zayn told him about coming out, stopping the shows, and still not sure if he loved Niall or not. “But I know I need you in my life, I’m lonely without you. I just need you back.” 

“Need me back as what, though? That’s the problem, or one of ‘em, anyway.” Niall got himself a beer, then sat down facing Zayn. “Do you want to go out with me? Maybe we could do that, start slow.” Zayn nodded, and Niall took a drink. “I mean, my main complaint was that you were using me to experiment and now it seems like you’re getting a handle on that.”

“Yeah. I missed you so much. I know I’ve said it, but I did. I wished you’d come back and see me.” Zayn kind of wished he’d had a beer now, his fingers figeting. “I want to be with you, I know that. I’m just not sure if it’s love. Is that enough?” 

Niall sipped his beer, staring off into the distance. “Maybe, yeah. If there’s a chance you could care for me, and you know I do about you. If you get involved with me honestly this time, yes.” Niall looked back at Zayn. “But I don’t think I want to do the shows anymore. It messes things up between us when there’s an audience, I think.” 

“Yeah that’s okay. I don’t want to do them anymore.” Zayn didn’t care if he did a show or saw one ever again, as long as he had Niall back. “Can you come here Niall? I’d like to kiss ya if I can.” Niall got up, still a bit hesitant, but he moved over until he was straddling Zayn’s lap. Zayn reached up and kissed him. 

Niall kissed him back, his lips soft on Zayn’s. His legs bracketed Zayn’s, but otherwise he wasn’t touching him,. Hands at his sides. Zayn put his hands on Niall’s hips, holding him there, and kissed him again. “Is this okay?” He asked, since Niall didn’t seem to want to touch him. “Did I come by too soon?”

“No, I’m glad to see you. I just don’t know how ready I am. I was prepared to never see you again, and you came back in less than a month.” Niall looked at Zayn, and put a hang on his arm, just gently touching. “I missed you too. I kept telling my mate Bressie about everything. He’ll probably be glad to know you came.” 

“Good,” Zayn said. “And I can wait, if you’re not ready.” Their relationship had been all out of order, having sex for voyeurs instead of for themselves, so it wasn’t surprising to Zayn that Niall might need time. 

“Kiss me one more time,” Niall said, and he leaned in. Zayn kissed him, rubbing over his back, and after a minute Niall pulled away. “I don’t want to go too far, but I’d like it if you stayed over,” Niall said quietly. “I’ve slept in the same bed with you before, and I always liked it.” 

“I can do that,” Zayn said, hoping he was telling the truth. His body had missed Niall too, but he figured he could wait a bit longer. “I don’t think I’ve spent much time at your place. It’s nice here.”

“Usually I’ve had Bressie staying here, but he’s home visiting his family this week. I’m gonna get up and start getting ready.” Niall moved carefully off his lap, and went to the bathroom. Zayn pulled his shirt off, going to Niall’s room. He’d never really seen it, and it was neat and put together. He stripped to his pants and then got into bed.

When Niall came in, he looked Zayn over, seeming a bit surprised. “Hey,” Zayn said. “Don’t mind me being in my boxers do you?” Niall shrugged and took the rest of his clothes off until he was in his pants as well. 

“Move over though, I like that side,” Niall said and Zayn moved over, spooning Niall when he settled in. “Thanks for doing this with me, I figured you might want sex or something.” And well, Zayn did want that, but he wanted Niall in his life more, so he just kissed Niall’s shoulder. Niall made a happy noise and turned the lamp off. 

Zayn’s fingers intertwined with Niall’s, and after a minute he said “Do you think we’ll be alright then?” He got a snore for his answer, and he chuckled, then closed his eyes. Pretty soon he was asleep.

_Three months later_

Zayn put his overcoat on. “You have your coat Nialler? It’s a bit cold out there.” He was standing near the door of Niall’s apartment, waiting for him to get ready. After a minute, Niall came out with a jacket, and took Zayn’s hand before they set off to the tube. 

“I can remember my coat without ya, Zayn,” Niall said, and Zayn bit back a reply. He wasn’t so sure about that. They walked down and eventually took the underground to Louis and Harry’s flat. Harry met them at the door, grinning and wearing a flower crown. 

“Thank you for coming, I’m glad you could make it,” Harry said with his perfect manners. “It’s our first anniversary, we wanted you to be here.” Harry hugged both of them as they came in, and he kissed Zayn on the cheek. “Put your coats up and come in, we’re mostly in the kitchen for now.” 

“Of course,” Niall said, and Zayn smiled at him. They followed Harry into the cramped flat kitchen, where there were drinks and some little snacks out, and Louis was sitting on the counter, laughing at something Liam had said. He hopped off when he saw them, and hugged Zayn.

“Good to see ya mate, I missed you. How are you doing lately?” 

“Been alright, just been busy with school.” Zayn grinned at Louis, who gave him a crinkly-eyed smile back. Louis looked happy, and a bit drunk. “Congrats, happy first anniversary.” Then Niall came up and hugged Louis from the side.

“Right, and many more I hope.” Louis looked a bit surprised at that, and then turned to hug Niall proper, as Harry watched from across the room and grinned. When Louis let go of Niall, Zayn put an arm around his waist. 

“Let’s get you a drink, love. I know you want to celebrate.” Niall giggled a bit, then came in for a kiss. Zayn put a hand on the back of his neck, just to touch him as they kissed, the rest of the party fading in the background.

Niall pulled back, his pale skin a bit flushed. “Yeah, little bit. Get you one or you not drinking tonight?” 

“I think I’ll just have a Coke, thanks.” Zayn didn’t want to get drunk. This party was the first time they were going out as an official couple, and Zayn didn’t want to forget any of it. Niall smiled softly at him , then went to get them both a drink. Zayn looked over and saw Harry smiling at him, and he nodded, a bit shy. It must have been all over his face, how he felt about Niall.

The party goes on for a while, with a cake being brought out that most everyone was too drunk to eat, so Harry just smashed it into Louis’ face. Lou didn’t seem to mind, and pieces of the cake wound up all over the apartment. 

When Niall and Zayn finally left the party, Niall was sweetly tipsy. “That was good, huh? Good party?” Zayn nodded as Niall looked at him. “Maybe we can do that, if we’re still together after a year. It could be fun.” 

“Yes, but I’m not cleaning cake off the walls,” Zayn said, and Niall laughed, squeezing Zayn’s hand. Zayn felt a little giddy then. It was a good night for the two of them. 

“I’d probably clean it up, let’s be honest. Okay, I’m ready to go home.” They make it to the underground and sit close together on the way back, not caring if anyone saw them. Zayn smiled, thinking about it. He had come a long way. 

When the finally got home, Niall was sleepy and Zayn helped him through the door and down the hall to Niall’s room. Zayn spent most of his time there now, getting in Bressie’s way, but he still had his apartment. They were talking about getting one together by next year. It was weird to think about, moving in with his boyfriend. He watched as Niall got undressed, then got ready for bed himself.

When they were in bed, Zayn spooning Niall, he kissed Niall’s shoulder. “Down for the count, eh?” Niall giggled a bit, and Zayn kissed his neck. 

“I’ll make it up to ya in the morning, promise. Blow you good.” Niall shifted around, and after a minute, he yawned. “Night Zaynie. Love you.” 

“Yeah. Love you too.” It wasn’t the first time he said it, but it was still new enough that Zayn could almost feel Niall’s smile, even though he couldn’t see it. “Get to sleep. You’ve got class love.”

“Mmm, okay,” Niall said, and Zayn kissed his shoulder one more time before settling down to sleep himself. Niall smelled good, and it made him smile a bit. He knew that tomorrow they’d have lazy sex and then get ready for class, and that made him grateful, that he’d gone to Niall to get him back. He’d been so scared, but now he was happier than he’d ever been. 

Niall snored then, and Zayn chuckled before closing his eyes.


End file.
